Caine Blog

Lots of people talk about Lindsay Lohan, but few mention her writing style.  Maybe ’style’ is the wrong word; what I’m talking about is more of an assault, a full on em-dash ambush.  Let’s take a peek at her most recent post, in which she assails her father:

If you have something to say to me, say it to my face- that’s what i have believed my whole life- don’t be a coward and say it to others first, let alone all the media in the world- i think we know where the rest of this blog is going…

If you guessed it had to do with my father- then you guessed right! It really hurts, because i have tried- after all that my mother and siblings have gone through, i really tried to make things work- For the hope of having a father again-wanting things to change- even though people have said, some people will forever remain the same.

Having said that- the people were right, and he is yet to change- but this time, without his daughter by his side- He has become a public embaressment and a bully- To my family, my co-workers, my friends, and a girl that means the world to me (its obvious who that is).

He has no idea what is going on in my life because i have chosen not to involve him in it- His recent attack on my life and my loved ones is simply for an ADDICTION THAT HE HAS- FAME. Why he feels the need to comment on anything in my life that i may want to keep private, is beyond comprehension- If he really cared about me and my life, then he would learn to respect my wishes by staying out of it.

What’s going on here?  Every sentence has been turned into a strange, undefinable kind of phrase, where both dependent and independent clauses mingle freely and closure only comes at the end of the paragraph.  It’s almost impossible to read, too, for just this reason.  US Weekly, please have one of your copywriters help Lindsay out.  It’ll be like an intervention, but better because she could keep the drugs.